Birth story

On the joy of giving birth to Nele

One Thursday afternoon, I felt like I couldn’t take it any longer. I couldn’t be pregnant anymore - not for a single day, not for a single minute longer: the heavy, hard belly, nausea after every little meal, months without sleep, exhaustion, pelvic and back pain, heartburn... For the past ten days, the contractions had come and gone, but they hadn’t been strong enough.

I sent a message to my midwife, Birthe, who had closely followed me during the last weeks of my pregnancy. She had listened to me, visited me, given me advice, and encouraged me. The last few weeks had been hard for me. 'I can’t do this anymore. It feels like it will never end,' I wrote on my phone. Two minutes later, I received a reply from Birthe. She offered to come over right away.

Even though there was nothing I wanted more than to finally hold my little girl in my arms, I was looking forward to the birth of our third daughter with mixed feelings, as the big task—the birth—still lay ahead of me. Sometimes, I was overwhelmed by fear, like a wave of panic and helplessness. It was a feeling I had experienced during the birth of my first daughter in the hospital. This time, the birth would take place at home, in the baby’s future home. I had wished for a birth filled with calm, safety, silence, and intimacy, in a cave where I could retreat, just like mammals have always done. But would I be able to handle another birth? Would everything go well? What if I couldn’t handle the pain? What if I got too tired? What if I ended up needing to go to the hospital? I’m not very good with pain.

But both my feelings and my logic told me that a home birth was the right choice for my little one and me.

About 45 minutes after my message, Birthe was sitting on our couch, patiently listening to my complaints. Birthe listened and reassured me that as soon as I was truly ready for the birth, it would start. She advised me to clear my mind, not to focus too much, and to remind myself that I had given birth on my own before, and that it would go well this time, too. She repeated - just as she had done many times before - that I didn’t have to go through this alone, that she, another midwife, and Peder would be by my side.

Birthe asked if she could examine me, and she did so very gently. She determined that my cervix was already dilated four centimeters. This must have happened in the past few days. The unbearable back and pelvic pain had clearly been worth it! Suddenly, I felt hopeful, relaxed, and my sense of helplessness turned into optimism. Birthe stayed with me for the rest of that Thursday evening. She seemed excited, happy, and eager in a way that rubbed off on me. We sat on the couch watching a program about an eagle diligently incubating its eggs - much like me. Watching nature programs with a midwife on a Thursday evening is something I would recommend to all expectant mothers to prepare for birth!

At 9:30 that evening, my body made it clear that I needed to sleep. Birthe got ready to leave and promised to come back the next day to check on me. This reassured me. I got ready for bed and checked on my peaceful, sleeping children. I lay down in bed and listened to my daughter’s favorite story, The Little Water Sprite by Otfried Preussler. Right at the beginning of the story, a little water sprite baby is born. If that doesn’t make you want to give birth, I don’t know what will.

At 11:15, I suddenly woke up, and my brain immediately recognized that feeling, that 'pain'... A rapid distress signal was sent to the rest of my body, and suddenly I was wide awake, focused, and ready for the marathon ahead. After the second contraction, I managed to call my husband. 'I’m having real contractions!'

Peder quickly called Birthe, since I couldn’t manage to do two things at once. Birthe answered right away. They spoke briefly before he handed me the phone. I heard her calm voice say that she was leaving immediately, that we should fill the bathtub with water, and that I absolutely shouldn’t get into the tub alone.

The contractions gave me about 2-3 minutes of relief, enough time for me to get to the bathroom. I went into the shower, sat down on the floor, and felt completely calm. 'It’s happening! It’s really happening! There’s no turning back!' I thought, as I sat in the shower, the warm water helping me feel comfortable and safe despite the contractions. I wasn’t scared anymore. My body was now acting purely on instinct. When Peder started filling the bathtub, the water in the shower turned cold, and I moved to the living room, where I could lie on the floor. It was pleasantly warm in the room, and the light was dimmed. The contractions were now very intense, but still manageable. I tried to breathe the way I had learned in a yoga class, while my husband busied himself preparing our 'birthing room' with full concentration.

Now Birthe was here. She seemed happy and created a good atmosphere, which helped my husband and me relax. 'Your baby is coming.' She spoke quietly and calmly with my husband. I understood that she had immediately grasped the situation. I felt safe and in good hands. She helped me into the bathtub, asked if the temperature was comfortable and how I wanted to sit or lie down. I felt very comfortable in the water. Soon, the other midwife, Elisabeth, arrived. I recognized her from a picture I had seen on the website. She greeted me kindly, spoke quietly with Birthe and Peder, found a spot near the bathtub, and documented the birth. I could immediately tell that Birthe and Elisabeth were a well-coordinated team.

Birthe sat by the side of the tub, speaking calmly and encouragingly to me, giving me courage, maintaining constant contact, guiding me, and explaining what was happening. With a short and painless 'pop,' my water broke into the tub. Birthe explained that the amniotic fluid looked clear and assured me that everything was fine. She also regularly checked the baby’s heart rate, confirming that everything was okay. After about 20 minutes in the lovely warm water, I already felt the urge to push. I could feel my baby moving down. The active phase of labor had begun, and I could feel the immense power spreading through my body, in every cell. I could feel my baby moving through the birth canal: I could almost count every 'step' she took. Each step, each pain, brought her closer to me. I focused on just feeling, not thinking. Thinking creates fear; feeling does not. Birthe supported the baby’s head during the birth to help prevent tearing. The contractions became stronger and more intense, and when I thought I couldn’t take it anymore, Birthe assured me that the baby would be born very soon, and she was absolutely right. At 12:44 AM, I was holding my little girl in my arms. The pain was gone, and infinite love and gratitude took over.

A week later, I look back on my home birth not only as a magical, emotional, and social experience but also as my most powerful moment as a woman. I feel like I can move mountains. There are still things that cannot be improved by technology - among them, the millions-of-years-old evolutionary process of human birth.

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Research suggests that home birth leads to fewer complications.

There is a growing number of research reports showing that home birth leads to fewer complications for the birthing woman. Feel free to ask us for more information.

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